Usually wound up like a top, for years, I stressed to the max. As I told you before in my blog, I am a perfectionist. I always try to achieve as much as I can. Sometimes, I am worried because I think I should have attempted whatever the exercise was even more. I obsess each little strand, I dissect each detail until I am raw. It’s like my DNA, but that’s the nature of the beast, isn’t it?
I am over exaggerating a little bit, but sometimes the pressure in my life is almost boiling over: my health, my family, my budget, my retirement, oy; it goes on and on, doesn’t it? I feel sometimes like a hamster just circling with no apparent end.
Happiness and Urgency
However, let’s change the parameters for a second or two… I guess with all of the tension I put myself in, I also have so many joyous occasions to my life so far. You know, the little things that are so precious. The wonderful trips I have been with my family. Terrific friends that I have known forever and a day. I have seen the beauty of the Grand Canyon, the excitement of the Olympic Games in Atlanta, the joy and laughter of my niece and nephews every single day; so much gems and more on the way.
But turn the wheel one more time in my brain; I sometimes feel like, no matter the situation, I discover that the gut feeling is a NEED, not a pleasure, mmm? In other words, at the same time, I care deeply about my passion that is also a requirement; a mission that will change my perspective. In some senses, I merged the two emotions of happiness and urgency.
Unusual, absolutely. Common, probably so.
Contentment and Responsibility
As an illustration, when I suffered my stroke I lost the ability to communicate both verbal and written. (If you would like to know more about what global aphasia is, click here.) Thus, I had to be very discipline to accomplish my goal, which, of course, was to speak not only accurately, but also with meaning.
Fortunately, my conversations over time were definitely improved. Therefore, in some senses, I was very pleased that my ability was on the mend. Another words, I was both very jubilant with a purpose, a perfect junction of contentment and responsibility.
How about that…
So I ask you, do you have a feeling that’s both elation and accountable all rolled into one?